Deja Vu

I feel like I’m having deja vu.  Today has sent me into the past, reminding me how I got to where I am today.  This particular memory is from 2014, when I was in Mexico.  I was halfway through Something Like Summer by Jay Bell, and I had to continually tell myself not to cry.  The book had inspired me in more ways than one.  First, it reminded me of the feelings that I had worked so hard to push back.  Second, it convinced me that I needed to release the story inside myself.

Something Like Summer is one of the last books I have been able to read for pleasure.  I knew I had to tell the stories that were being bottled up inside me, or I would go crazy.  I had nearly completed A Guide to Historic Dillsboro at that time, but I knew it wouldn’t be enough for me.  I needed to feed off of the emotions that had been drowning me, and create something that would move others the same way that it had moved me.

Five emotional months later, and I had what I had hoped to create.  The One.  It did exactly what I hoped for it.  It brought people to tears, it put the spotlight on issues that were very important to me, and above all, it subdued the emotions that kept me from living.

Every once in awhile, the emotions sneak back up and throws me in for a loop.  I ponder about writing a sequel to The One to build my walls back up.  Will it work?  For awhile, maybe.  Will I actually write it?  Yes, one day.  The desire has always been there, and one day, I plan on telling the other story that I have in mind for my beloved characters.  But, I have to finish The Aluria Adventures first.

Today, I look out the window, and all the reasons why I wrote The One are right in front of me.  I freeze, unable to move.  A millisecond later, and everything is back to normal.  But that millisecond is all it takes to change my day.  I’m not a mess, like I had been before.  But I will always wonder what could have been…

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One thought on “Deja Vu

  1. You know I often wonder myself what could have been if things had worked out between me and someone who I was head over heels for. It’s very painful to get rejected at the end, been through that myself several times. However, the only advice I can lend is that you will fall in love again no matter how much you think that won’t happen, it will, give it time. As much as we want to we can’t control how people feel about us. A lot of people try changing things about themselves in order to make someone like them, whether it is losing weight, working out, trying foods they normally wouldn’t eat, etc. It doesn’t end well in my experience. So don’t go trying to change yourself to be somebody else, not sure if you’re familiar with the Sister Hazel song. Anyway, the only thing that helps is time. While it may be hard to imagine a time where you’ll think back to these moments and not feel so bad, but it will come. Just get yourself out there, date some guys. The only other advice I can give is beware of where you look, some supposed “dating” apps hardly have the dating type too, very easy to slip into despair looking in a lot of those places. These are probably all things you have heard, but if not hope something in this is helpful.

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